Hello. I'm Ellen M. DuBois, author of I Never Held You, a book about miscarriage, healing and recovery and Host of MiscarriageHelp.com, the companion support site to my book. Having experienced a miscarriage myself, I know first-hand the pain, isolation and often dismissive attitudes which accompany miscarriage. I am here to do my part in bringing miscarriage support and awareness to light.

I remember going into bookstores searching for something to assure me I wasn't alone in my struggle. Nothing was available back then, (some seventeen-plus years ago). Every time I searched through a maze of books, I'd find ones about having a baby- not losing one. Especially not to miscarriage. There were some books on losing a child already born to this earth. But, what about those of us who never got to see or hold our babies?

Hence, I Never Held You was born. It was born out of a need deep within myself to reach out to others. I didn't want any woman to feel as alone and unsure of herself after miscarriage as I did. In the process of writing my book, I helped myself. By sharing my story, I literally began to heal more and more- even eleven years after my miscarriage. You'd think the healing would have been over. It wasn't. It's a process and everyone is different.

Healing certainly doesn't mean forgetting the baby boy I miscarried. Alex will forever remain in my heart- a part of my soul. We are connected forever.

I believe we all have a path in this life, and miscarriage was part of mine. Had I not lived through the pain, I'd have nothing to offer in terms of empathy. Would I want to live through it again? No way. However, when looking at my life, I clearly see how adversity and pain were transmuted into strength and support. I am grateful. I am grateful and thank God for the opportunity to use the world-wide platform called the Internet to feed my passion for reaching out to women and their families who have lost babies to miscarriage. I am grateful for providing a place of comfort, bonding and support through my website. I am grateful to have had my book published by a publisher who not only believed in me, but in my message of hope, healing and a quality life after miscarriage. A changed life, scars and all, but life with joy just the same. Joy is something you feel has been stomped out like the embers of a fire after miscarriage. You wonder if it'll ever return. I know I wondered...and waited...and cried.

Those tears left room for healing and joy to fill my life again. I will always have a special place reserved in my heart for my son, Alex. Without him and his brief but powerful stay with me, I wouldn't be here right now talking to you about my path towards healing and recovery after miscarriage. He gave me this gift, and I will not ignore his voice from Heaven as he speaks to my soul, "I love you. Please take what you've learned and use it to help others." I say back to my precious son, "I love you, too. Until we meet again on the other side, where I will finally get to hold you."

A bit about me: I was born in a small town in Massachusetts. The seventies and eighties were my 'growing up' time, although I've found it to be a never-ending process. I love music, was the lead singer in a wedding band for three years and now teach beginner piano to thirty-plus students. They range in age from five to seventeen and are all lights in my life. I've had two cards published with Blue Mountain Arts and feel incredibly blessed. I waited a long time for it to happen, and when it did I was walking on air!

Along with writing, I teach beginner piano/advanced beginner piano to over thirty students ranging in age from five to seventeen. I love teaching these wonderful kids. They bring such joy into my life. Opening the door to music for them is such a rewarding experience. I've seen first-hand how music helps children of all ages in the areas of: schoolwork, math, creativity and self confidence.

I am also a singer. Although I don't sing in a band anymore, (for now), I love music and use my voice, along with the piano, as another form of self expression. It's how I 'decompress', so to speak. I am a self-taught-music mixer and some of my vocals are featured on my author site. If you feel like visiting and having a listen, simply click on the music tabs at ellendubois.com.

I still reside in another small town in Massachusetts with my fiance, (I won't say his name because he's the private type :), and I can't forget to mention my wonderful, steadfast buddy, Baron the "tweenie" Dachshund, who brings a smile to my face every, single day.

I'm the middle child of three girls, and you know what they say about us middle children. I don't know if it's all true, but some of it certainly applies to me! My parents are fabulous people, both musicians and music teachers who have touched and inspired many through their gifts. God has truly blessed me with a loving, fun, somewhat 'quirky' family. Hey, I wouldn't fit in anywhere else!

I am also the author of Jackie's Heart, (my first published book), fiction, and A-Z Affirmations- Change Your Thinking Change Your Life, a pocket sized book you can carry with you for a daily dose of inspiration.

I am currently working on several writing projects, keeping up with my miscarriage support blog daily, submitting poems to Blue Mountain Arts, and constantly learning and growing as I traverse the path through this thing called life.

Many Blessings to all of you, and to those who have miscarried, I am deeply sorry for your loss.

Ellen

Share your feelings, connect and gain support from others who have miscarried at the companion support site to I Never Held You. Please visit MiscarriageHelp.com.